Are You Raising Resilient Kids ?

June 3, 2015
Building <b>Resilience</b> in <b>Kids</b> - (cool) progeny

Past blog entries of mine have touched on the topic of not over pampering our kids but I do not recall ever writing specifically on the subject of resiliency. Yet my fear is that it is something sorely lacking in parenting today and perhaps this blog is needed.

When my husband and I were raising our kids, we wanted to always stretch them. We wanted to push them. It didn't bother us really to see them in an uncomfortable situation or predicament and to see how they were going to solve their problem. We made our share of mistakes as mom and dad but I am thankful that somehow we had this tough parenting approach figured out as it has seemingly served our kids well.

Again....please don't receive this as a mom patting herself on that pack ...hardly. I am just both weary and concerned as I see more and more young parents wanting to prevent their precious offspring from ever experiencing ANYTHING challenging or out of their comfort zone.

The problem with that is life isn't like that.
Life is uncomfortable, it doesn't always feel good, it certainly isn't easy, and your kids have to deal with that.
Are you preparing them to do so ?
Or are you making everything soft and cushy ?
Are you pampering them ?

If you are, you are not making those kids to be RESILIENT !

 Parents, please remember this ...

~ Just because your child does not want to do something does not at all mean that they should not do that very thing.

    When Johnny whines that he doesn't want to try to ride his bike without training wheels , what do you say ? Do you soothingly say " You don't want to try ? - Oh okay, maybe another day "

   I pray that is not your response.

   Or do you say " Hop on that bike right now and start are going to surprise yourself "  And you know what ? LIttle Johnny may have a few spills ( which also is good for him by the way ) but after a few attempts he will be sailing along on his own and will be proud of himself for having accomplished something that he thought he couldn't do.

   Isn't that what good parenting is about ? God put us in these little ones' lives for a short time period to show, to lead, to guide, to encourage, to prompt, to push, to prod, to coach, to motivate, to teach, to BUILD RESILIENCY into them so that they will BE PREPARED for life on their own. He did NOT give us children to pamper them so that they are timid, afraid, unsure, weak , and fearful of life !

Here are some tips for building resiliency into those kiddos -

~ ignore crying and whining when your child is fearful of something and just calmly tell them that crying won't work
~ instead, remind them of how proud you will be of them when they conquer their fear and inhibitions
~ deliberately create uncomfortable or challenging situations for them that they have to solve on their own
~ never help or do for a child a feat once they know how to do it on their own ( even if it is tying their own shoes )
~ stretch your child in terms of physical endurance ( whether it is running a certain distance, climbing a rock wall etc )
~ Challenge them in academic pursuits - skills that you think may even think are at the very top of their skill level

 - and the most important thought is this ....

Last but not least , when they accomplish and succeed, make a HUGE fuss and celebration out of it ! Praise them, hug them, love on them, smile and laugh and rejoice with their achievement. This type of response balances out your tough , challenging approach as your child realizes that it is not impossible to please you at all.

And if they somehow fall short on any given attempt , STILL have the same response. In other words, your love, your affection, your approval is not contigent on success ....but just that they are who they are.

The lesson they MUST  learn however is that they must always, always TRY !!!

That is the key -
that they learn to NOT be timid
that they learn to NOT cower
that they learn to NOT retreat in fear
that they learn that mom and dad will NOT pamper them.
that they learn to BE ....


How are we doing in this area of RESILIENCY ?
I hope that as parents and even grandparents...that we are passing the test.
If we are, the ultimate winners will be our children and grandchildren.

...and isn't that what we all want ?



Showing gratitude Where it is Due !

May 19, 2015
Police Officers

We live in weird times. Weird because we seem to glorify and emulate celebrities, movie stars, pro athletes and anyone who is rich or famous. Sad.

The people however who should be receiving our praise, thanks, and recognition are instead being attacked and criticized. We are an upside down world and this is evidenced no more clearly than in the present climate of how police are being viewed in our nation today.

Are there a few bad cops out there ? Of course. Just like there are a few bad teach...

Continue reading...

Facebook - The Greatest Passive Aggressive Weapon Ever !

April 27, 2015

 I have something on my heart. Something gnawing at me just a bit. Whenever that is the case, I usually go to my blog to try to convey a few thoughts and I sincerely hope that it can be a help. I truly do.

We are all flawed folks , are we not ? The Bible calls us all sinners and anyone who would disagree is simply not being genuinely honest. We are all capable of lying, squabbling, offending, envying, criticizing, suspecting and you name it. What that means is that we will all have misunderst...

Continue reading...

Don't Major on the Minor

April 20, 2015

  As is often the case, I was in Target the other day and witnessed an incident that made me cringe just a tad. A little guy of about three years old was sitting in the child's seat of the cart and he reached over and grabbed a small item from that dollar section at the front of the store. The mom aggressively grabbed the item and angrily said " NO !" , slapped his hand and shoved the crayon pack back onto the shelf. The little guy immediately looked at me since I was so close to them and the...

Continue reading...

My Church Family

March 31, 2015

 Does anyone remember that TV show Cheers that was on years ago ? I marveled at that show , not because it was centered around a Boston bar but because of the brilliance of the writers. Anyone who watched Cheers any length of time ( which I admit to being a fan at the time ) would concur that the wit and comedy of the show's writers at that time was basically second to none. It became a hit because of that one factor - the laughs that were brought on by the one liners of the characters. I am ...

Continue reading...

The One Thing That I Would do Differently as a Parent !

February 26, 2015

      My husband and I are grandparents now and we LOVE it ! Gone are the days of telling kids to get up on time, to do their homework, to clean their rooms and to eat all of their vegetables. We've been there , done that and are skipping around throwing confetti on the other side of the tunnel ! This is the life as they say :)

Another joy of this stage of life is being able to look back with hopefully...not too many regrets. I can honestly say that for the most part I can smile as I reflect ...

Continue reading...

The Power of Prayer is not just a Cliche !

February 12, 2015

   When I was little I would pray now and then but usually when I felt desperate or when I was in a jam. Like when my friend and I were doing donuts on the ice in our high school parking lot and she slid her car into my dad's Gremlin. Yes...there was actually a car called the Gremlin ! I remember jumping out of the car and saying to my friend Terry Wagner  " You and I don't tell the truth about how this happened ...ever !!! I don't care if we are 35 years old and each have five kids....we nev...

Continue reading...

The Missing Ingredient in Christian Parenting

January 14, 2015

  My husband and I are no longer in the trenches when it comes to parenting. Some days we are throwing the confetti over that fact. Other days I find myself wistfully looking at old photo albums ....but I have to admit, those times aren't as frequent as the confetti days. :)

 Now we get to sit back , reminisce and watch younger parents trudging and skipping down the path of parenting and I have noticed something that is sometimes missing , especially within the ranks of Christian parents.


Continue reading...

Are You Serving Others?

January 5, 2015

   The theme for our church this year is " LOVE SERVES " and I think it is a great one. We live in a harried, self focused culture where we almost have to make a concerted effort to think of others first. Hate to say that, but it is true, is it not ? I mean, if we are tossing chicken nuggets to our kids as we are going through the drive through on the way to taking them to soccer practice, it can be sort of difficult to see the need of the guy holding the cardboard sign saying that he is ho...
Continue reading...

Two Most Important Ingredients for a Teacher - A Loving Spirit and a Great Sense of Humor

August 28, 2014

 Having taught for many years I have lots of great memories of my time with eight year old third graders. When I recall my time with them I smile a whole lot more than I frown. I think that is because I was the mom of the four Hastings kids at the same time that I was " Mrs. Hastings" to other children in the classroom. Simply put, there wasn't a whole lot that my students were going to throw at me that my own kids hadn't hurled at me at home. I have always said that moms make the best teache...

Continue reading...

Want to share a thought with only me? Submit your comments below!