“ Moms need to learn that their child does not want or need them to be their BFF.” – Pam Hastings


For the first time ever in my blog , my quote is one of my own. I certainly do not claim to be an expert on parenting but I do know one thing for certain…which is that I never cared one iota if my kids considered me to be their friend while they were growing up. It just didn’t matter. What did matter very much however is that I was their Mom…with a capital “M”. What that meant was that it was my firm belief that God gave me to them and them to me for a specific purpose. He did not choose some other woman to be Erik, Ben, Matty, and Kasey’s mom …He chose me. Likewise all moms who may read this have been specifically selected as the best choice as a mom for the specific children that God has given to you and your husband.


Being mom and a dad is just such an awesome responsibility…so much so that I did not want to blow it. To me,  being a right mom meant being a disciplinarian, a cheerleader, an investigator, and interrogator, a listener, a hugger, the one who sang “Victory in Jesus” with them before I tucked them in at night and I could list a thousand other descriptions. One thing it did NOT mean though is worrying about being my child’s “friend” or their “buddy.” They had classmates at school who were designed to fulfill that role.


I just get concerned sometimes when I see moms who knock themselves silly hoping that their child views them as a friend. This can especially be seen during the teen years. These moms mistakenly strive to have a horizontal, peer-like, connection with their child. For some odd reason, they view that as parental success yet nothing could be further from the truth. Our roles as moms fly directly in the face of that because often along with dad, we must be the authoritative figure in their lives to correct mistakes that they are making and trust me when we exercise that discipline in their lives, they are not happy campers and they most assuredly are not thinking of us as their chums.


Too often parents punish their children and then worry that their child will no longer love them or that their child will begin to detest them. That is pure rubbish. Every day…day in and day out my kids knew for sure that I loved them just by the kind of mom I was to them and the same it is for most moms reading this. I once had a friend who was diligent to spank her kids but as soon as the spanking was over with she would say “ Do you still love mommy?” That kind of question is a guaranteed invitation to your child to begin to manipulate you…and sure enough that is what happened. It wasn’t long before those same kids where whining “ I don’t think you love me any more “ every time they were disciplined in some way.


Just don’t fall into this common trap of being overly obsessed with how your children view you. I used to say to my kids “ I will care about being your friend when you are thirty-five, happily married, living a Godly life and raising Godly kids  but I could care less if you consider me to be your friend right now." Don’t get me wrong…that is not to say that I did not want to enjoy a close and pleasant relationship with them when they were growing up because I did. I just didn’t lose one bit of sleep that I wasn’t their “BFF.”  In fact, I knew that if they did consider me to be their best friend, then there was a very good chance that I was doing something wrong.

Think about it moms…whether you have sons or daughters….they need mom to be mom. It is not a popular concept these days but a correct one. Give it some thought won’t you?


Proverbs 1 :8,9 -  My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head and chains about thy neck.