Are you a parent, a teacher, a coach ?
Are you someone who has children in your care and under your authority ?
If so, you understand well the frustration that those little lives can create within you.
They can make you yell, scream, moan, and pull your hair out.
Ideally, those are not the reactions that we strive for but is sometimes reality.
Hopefully as the adults in kids' lives, we admonish, scold, correct, and punish in a calm and controlled manner.
My question is, what next ?
After the time out, or the lecture, or the spanking, what follows but is often neglected ?
The answer is ......a healthy dose of affection !!!
I remember well my teaching days. I loved teaching third grade. I always said it was the perfect age because eight year
olds no longer needed their shoe laces tied or their noses wiped, yet they had not yet reached the testy preteen age either.
However, third graders like all kids will still test a teacher at times and when that happened, it required me to correct them.
Sometimes that meant I would be stern in the way that I talked to them, Other times it might mean a loss of a privilege or
some other penalty that was part of our discipline system at the school. Whenever this happened though, I was careful to
ALWAYS follow up shortly afterwards with a key ingredient in winning the students' heart.
What is that key ingredient ?
If I just had to scold Johnny for not doing his work because he was fooling around talking to his classmate, I would then
make sure to walk by his desk and tousle his hair a few minutes later. He would look up at me and I would give him a wink.
Such a small gesture but what did it convey ?
It said " Yes, you messed up but I still love you"
It said " Yes, you didn't obey but you are still okay in my book "
It said " I had to correct you but that is now past and let's move on "
You can believe that when a teacher communicates those thoughts to a student, she has won his heart.
If this is true in the teacher - student relationship, how much more so in the parent - child dynamic ?
Parents, if you have to discipline your child please grab a hold of that little one or not so little one and draw them close to
you afterwards. Give them a hug, hold them tight and tell them that you love them and that you forgive them. If they have
been crying from the correction that you administered, help them blow their nose, wash their face and squeeze the air out
of them with the biggest bear hug you can muster.
Why is this so important ?
Because it expresses forgiveness, it shows compassion, it heals the hurt.
Most importantly it shows that child a picture of God.
Because that is how He deals with us.
He is firm, but kind, and always, always forgiving and loving.
This may be tough to do sometimes because you find yourself so angry and irritated with what your child has done.
Do it anyway.
It is an essential element of proper discipline.
Did I always follow through with affection and do it always right ? Hardly ! Not even close. I tried to but sometimes failed.
Wish I had though.
Remember.....CORRECTION then AFFECTION
I like that those two words rhyme. It helps us to remember then to apply the second one after we apply the first.
Do you want to win your child's heart ?
Then always remember the second part !
You won't regret doing so !
Posted by Pam Hastings. Posted In : Lessons Learned